Restless Knitter

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. I didn’t get to read them until we got home last night, but they are still much appreciated.

As with all families, you’d have to know them to understand. Without boring you to tears with a lot of details, I’ll tell you that my grandmother and two aunts thrive on negativity. I snapped at the two aunts twice. The third aunt only repeats what she hears and feels what the others project onto her. She’s “special”. She’s not quite mentally retarded, but she’s “slow”. My grandmother went so far as to say “She’s the next one I’m going to have to go through this with.” Right in front of said aunt!

Saturday, my grandfather would try to talk but you couldn’t understand him. The doctor said since my grandfather had lost the ability to swallow, the only way to keep him alive was to put in a feeding tube. He has a living will that prohibits that. Even if they do put the tube in, there is still a chance that he would vomit again and choke to death on it if no one was around. She said it was only a matter of time and the tube wouldn’t prolong his life anyway. Sunday morning, my younger daughter stopped by the hospital to see him and he was talking well enough that you could understand him. She said he was doing much better. The doctor says it’s a miracle. She didn’t think he’d get this far. I later called my grandmother to check on him. She was more into the negative side of things. Would it kill her to think positive?? Be grateful that he’s improving for fucks sake. They’ll run more tests this morning, and someone from rehab will come in and teach him how to swallow again. You show ‘em Grandpa, they can’t get rid of you that easily!

The Man and I had started the 8 hour drive back home. A half hour into it, I had him turn around and go back. I guess I wanted to sit with him a little while longer. We were almost back to the hospital, crossing a bridge over a small river that’s near there, when I saw a bald eagle fly over. I’ve never in my life saw a real wild bald eagle. Hell, I didn’t even know there were any in that area. It felt like a sign. When we got to the hospital, they told us that Grandpa had been awake a little more since we’d left and seemed to be understanding people better. So maybe it was a sign. I feel kind of guilty for being so excited at seeing the bird considering the circumstances, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t thrilled to see it.
I’m glad that we made the trip up. I don’t feel like it was the last time I’ll see him. Maybe I’m burying my head in the sand, but I prefer to think he’ll continue to improve.